farm lifeupdates "Patience and Fortitude Conquer All Things" Amy Smith ·January 23, 2026 A quote by Ralf Waldo Emerson. A lot of Emerson's well known quotes sing of self-reliance, growth through hard times and, in laymen's terms: growing through what you're going through — and maybe it's the love of writing in me or the familiar tones of facing things many my age won't in a lifetime, but I often find myself reading bits and pieces of Emerson's writings whenever I need a little reminder of where I've been and what I still have to go. As some, likely many of you at this point already know: part of what makes Leafy so important to me is how much access to this amazing produce we grow has been a part of my own personal journey. So when it comes to bringing our salad greens, herbs, and seasonal produce to our community it is from a place of love and a personal understanding of the importance of access to good quality food. Every step of what brought Leafy into our lives, and really every step that brought Nick into my life, as stated in the broadest, most laughable, still rather confusing, understated way possible, was and still is a bit of a doozy — and for the most part (emphasis on the "most") I wouldn't have it any other way. As I stand here today, holding my breath again, for a little bit of luck and a lot more fight; I can't imagine anywhere else I would rather be. To me that might just be the biggest accomplishment any of us can hope for. Before my rambling gets away from me, I know many have seen a GoFundMe floating around Facebook for my husband and I as he holds my hand while we face another bout of an unwelcome illness and, at some point, hopefully in the near future, another kidney transplant. I have told my story before in bits and pieces but I am trying to focus this round on the good that has come out of this nightmare rather than this silent illness that has crept its way into every aspect of my life once again. I've now written, deleted, and rewritten this so many times it's starting to make my head spin. This is the story I have been living on and off for the last 18 years, it's the dream that I keep waking up from only to fall right back into the same scene day after day. It's a story that I'm just tired of telling, tired of reliving, and tired of the monotony of being a varying level of sick. I'm just tired of being tired. Before you come for me for complaining about being "tired" — this is a tired that comes from not getting enough sleep for a few days, this is a tired that is all consuming, dizzy, your body feels like it weighs a million pounds — and this is a tired that you will not understand unless you do, and I truly hope that none of you ever experience the level of tired that I am tired of. I am stubborn, outspoken, opinionated, frustratingly willing to die on any hill once I've decided to dig my toes in, protective, curious, sometimes a little insightful — and I always try to do the right thing, even, maybe especially, when the right thing feels impossibly hard. I get things wrong just as often as I get things right but I don't make a habit of giving up, and I try to keep a habit of saying I'm sorry whenever it's called for. I tell people how I feel about them. I tell all of my friends and family and friends who are now family that I love them and how special I think they are whenever I have the chance. I would rather apologize first even if I don't think I've done anything wrong during an argument than go to bed angry. A lot of these characteristics come, or were further developed anyway, due to being sick for so long. When I knew I wanted to marry Nick, I was ready to marry Nick. There is always an excuse not to do something, but life is just too damn short to watch it go by with excuses rather than moments. When it comes to the things we look back on many years from now, we will not regret the things we risked it all for, or the things we did out of order, because those are things that set our souls on fire. You will only regret the things you didn't do. I value honesty, loyalty, and any and all open and creative minds. I love to be outside, I love to grow, everything. I love to create and I love this little life my amazing husband Nick and I have been building together over the past few years. I am high energy, constantly stirring up new ideas and bigger dreams of what we could hope to build with our lives. I believe that sometimes the universe can be a furious shade of cruel and I believe that sometimes, maybe more than any of us would like to admit, the universe can get every single detail exactly right. But I think it's up to us to decide how to see it. I also believe that whatever our battle, if nothing else we experience these challenges for what they are worth — and whenever possible we try to learn from those experiences; good, bad, or ugly. Being sick sculpted a clearer view of the world than the one I used to see. Many things still feel familiar but there is a heightened sense of obligation, of fight to live my life a little bit louder, to love a little bit harder, to forgive a little more often, and to experience as many infectious smiles, bursts of laughter, hugs, secrets, fleeting moments and every other bit of magic I can squeeze out of this life. My storm shattered inside of me like thunder. Stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease of an unknown origin — almost 20 years later and I still have never heard a true diagnosis, there was never any form of explanation as to why, at 20, in an otherwise very healthy human, my kidneys were just failing. They weren't starting to fail; they were roughly 75% scar tissue. The thing about kidney disease is that it is completely curable when caught and treated even halfway early. The biggest problem is that by the time you're showing symptoms it's usually already too late. I found out in November that my kidneys were losing function and they were doing it quickly. Before Christmas I was referred to the local transplant hospital and that news hit me like a split wooden bat cracking me in the back of the head. My previous doctors told me they were expecting this and that I shouldn't stress. There was so much stress. I am still angry. I was not expecting this. So just this past week I went through yet another kidney transplant evaluation. But let's quickly take a step back to December of 2020 when at 32, about a decade after I was told I would never make it without a transplant, I had my first one. After months of dialysis helping to strengthen my heart, countless nights of tears, and countless days of floating through some terrible, numbing time in my life — I got that call at 5am and I felt something for the first time in what felt like a very, very long time. I was excited. I was over the moon! That was the call that was going to change my life. It was my second chance. And when I woke up a few days later in 2021, I felt like Wonder Woman. This is not an exaggeration. I felt awake for the first time in a decade. I could feel the sharpness of my mind come back with a snap. I could feel the energy literally pulsing through me. I wanted to run, dance, skip — anything I could do, anyway I could move, I just wanted to let the energy run through me for as long as I could. I found my way back to words. I found my voice singing along to the radio. I forgot how much I liked to sing, I forgot how much I love the way words fall together to create a picture that can then dance in the deepest parts of your mind. I remembered love, and then fell in love for real for the first time. I remembered the beauty in gratitude. Life can come so close to breaking us. It can push us to the brink, it can leave us bruised and bloody and questioning everything we thought we knew about ourselves, our lives, and the people we thought would be there forever. But at the end of the day life really is nothing except what you make it. Looking backward and forward today, as scared as I am to be facing these familiar but haunting roads again — another major surgery, more days living a little more muted before I get there, the risks of another major surgery, the added fear of "will it fail again?" — this trip is just so much different than the last. But I have learned so many things since the first time. The 5 years I have had on this side mission have helped me step into a life that means everything to me. Nick is currently undergoing testing to be my living donor. We have a long way to go, but my perfect guy just so happens to once again be my perfect match. So with a little more luck, we might just get to the other side of this unscathed. Your support truly means everything to us. If you or someone you know is interested in donating life to someone like me please reach out. Nick or I can get you in touch with the people who make all of this possible. Thank you for listening, and as always — Stay Leafy Friends. With all my love, Amy. A Amy Smith Leafy Dreams Iowa All Posts Next → Serendipity or Something Like It.
